she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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