no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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