There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
