Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my poor anus
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
