there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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