That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Someone signed my nipple.
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