tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
