if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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