i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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