Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
