my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
