ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
