I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
