just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize