12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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