What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
