I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
