You really coming over, don't trick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
