you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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