"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
