we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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