But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
