I'm gonna have a badass scar
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
