Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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