You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
