No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
