dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
