you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
