Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
