hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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