you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
