he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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