I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
