I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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