i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
