Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
