I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
