what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
