I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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