she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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