i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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