I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
