your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
