Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
