yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
