I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize