My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
