Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
