Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
