Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your topless pictures make me question reality
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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