The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize