Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
