please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
