1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I want her autograph on my taint
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
