the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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