That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
