I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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