dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Randomize
