he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
NoShamevember. You game?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize