You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
