Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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