It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The uberlube is also flammable
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
