well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
