I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
