She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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