watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
