What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize