i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
