omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
