Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
